Well, actually her name is Shina, (pronounced Sheena).
She's 4 years old, and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I fell in love with her.
On that morning, our team headed out to an orphanage located in the slums called Oasis of Life. We were planning on scrubbing the walls clean and then painting them. We had heard how bad the conditions were, and that the boys house didn't have water or electricity.
When we got there, we tried to get out of the car. We literally couldn't from the mob of kids surrounding our taxi. Some of the people in the group even got picked up and carried out of the van. These children didn't get very many visitors.
The children all sang for us when we got there, they then showed us around the compound; including where they slept, ate, and cooked.
A little girl grabbed my hand at the very beginning and walked around with me. I didn't know anything about her. I did know that I was instantly drawn to her. She didn't speak any English.
"What's her name?" I asked a lady there.
"Beneta," she told me. Which I later found out is not the case, her name is Shina.
She is 4 years old, and they told me she didn't have any family.
I kneeled down so I was at her height.
"Hi Beneta," I said. She just grinned at me.
I can't really explain what happened, but when she smiled at me I felt like we just clicked. I had never had a similar experience, and although I had grown attached to a few select children in the two weeks I was there, nothing came close to this.
I can't tell you how happy I was when they asked that half of the team stay outside and play with the children and the other half could come inside and work. Some people volunteered to go inside and paint, but I was ecstatic that I could spend some time with my Beneta.
After we taught the kids some songs, we pulled out some nail polish to do the girl's nails. Although a few times we did the boys too, (Would you have been able to say no?).
Beneta was eager for me to paint her nails and I happily did.
While she was waiting for them to dry, she started to doze off. A girl, who was probably around 12 or so,
tried to take her from me."It's okay, she can sleep on me," I told her.
She left and I happily sat there with a sleeping Beneta. Ten minutes later one of the Mama's took her from me and went and layed her down. I was kind of sad, but I figured she'd be up pretty soon with the noise going on around us.
Sure enough, not even fifteen minutes later Beneta came stumbling out and climbed back up in my lap.
She started talking a lot to me. It kind of shocked me because she hadn't said anything yet. I couldn't understand anything she said.
"What's she saying?" I asked someone.
They asked her to repeat it.
"She's asking for your drinking water," the lady told me.
My heart broke, I instantly grabbed my water bottle and offered it to her.
It's hard to explain the feeling that went through me. To sit there and watch her drink some clean water, which you know she doesn't get every day; it hurt knowing there was nothing I could do to change that.
After she finished it I gave her the second one I had in my bag. She quickly finished that one too.
I dug around in my bag looking for anything I could give her. I smiled when I saw the Slim Jim I had packed, knowing that we weren't going to have any lunch that day.
"Do you want this?" I asked her, peeling it open and handing it to her.
She eagerly took it. I was half disgusted half amused as I watched her chew that thing. She didn't just eat it, she chewed and sucked on it until you couldn't even tell what it was. I didn't know whether to stop her as she handed a chewed piece to a 2 year old girl there. It was rather gross, but kind of adorable in a way when you think about how willing she was to share it.
Time passed too fast for me. Every time I thought about leaving her my heart broke and I wanted to cry. I felt like for the first time, I knew what true love was. My heart ached thinking about leaving her in this place, not being able to watch her and take care of her. I loved this kid, and thinking about the fact that she doesn't even get one meal every day broke my heart.
Lexie, one of my teammates, had a squishy ball with her that she let me give to Beneta. Beneta loved it.
We spent so long in the sun tossing that thing.
"Hold out your arms," I would tell her.
She would happily hold them out and would laugh hysterically when I tossed it to her and it would fall right through them.
She would then throw it as high as she could and laugh while I ran to catch it.
Our leader then announced that it was time for us to go, so to say our goodbyes.
My heart broke. I know I've said that a few times in this post, but it literally did.
"Beneta," I said, picking her up, "We have to go now, but I promise I'm going to come back and see you again, okay?"
Her mood instantly changed, I knew she understood me.
She fought me to put her down, and when I did she headed off to mope.
My eyes filled with tears as I watched her. Half of me wanted to go after her and the other half wanted to just let go and walk out of there before I broke down.
Then they said half of us could stay longer if we wanted.
"Thank you, God," I said to myself as I headed over to her.
She was standing in the corner sucking her thumb.
"I can stay a little bit longer, can I hold you?" I asked.
She instantly came to me and I picked her up. She was quieter after that, I knew she knew that I was leaving her.
"Are you taking her with you to America?" a boy asked me.
I shook my head, knowing I was on the verge of crying. I wished I could, so badly.
"I love you," I told her. Over and over again.
Saying goodbye was hard. Really hard. I kissed her goodbye and set her down.
She watched me from the gate as I went and got in the taxi; I slid my window open so I could see her. She smiled and waved at me from where she was standing, and I literally smiled through the tears.
So many emotions went through me as we left. I let myself cry as I leaned my head against the window, watching her as we pulled away. That was the best day of my trip, but also the hardest by far.
